Patronizing Platitudes

I fucking hate platitudes.

You know, those meaningless expressions people say

Those meaningless expressions people feel obligated to say

They oversimplify life, conceptualizing one’s existence as nothing more than a box of chocolates. 

Every minor shortcoming is brushed off with a nonchalant c’est la vie

Anyway, here’s a list of platitudes we should retire

Follow Your Passion

Every coming-of-age flick seems to echo that pompous canard.

‘Pursue your dreams!’

‘YOLO!’

In those films, the main character is usually coerced into pursuing a conventional career while he/s desires something self-fulfilling and bohemian.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being idealistic. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with preferring  a degree in the fine arts over an MBA.

However, everything has an opportunity cost. Anyone can yearn to be an actor, an artist, a musician or a writer. However, anyone who has actually taken the road less traveled will assure you that it is a strenuous path that rarely guarantees stability in life.

Countless rejections. Constant bum licking (sometimes literally). Uncertain future prospects.

And behind the cloak of glamour and fame is a disfigured body, scarred by loneliness and internal agony.

You may be bored with your 9-5 routine at the office. However, just remember there are a myriad of entertainers and artists secretly envious of your mundane life.

Work Smarter, Not Harder

I’m not going to waste too much time with this ill-conceived quote. Yes, there are strategies one could utilize to effectively complete a task. Nevertheless, there is no substitute for hard work!!

You’re As Young As You Feel

Yet another symptom of our ‘self-identify’ culture. So apparently you can be ‘trans-age’?

We live in a society where there’s a negative correlation between age and societal value. Apparently life ends following your thirtieth birthday. We’re a youth-obsessed culture bombarded with advertisements for Botox, anti-aging cream and plastic surgery. Instead of embracing the perks of getting older (wisdom, life experience, senior discounts), we only dwell on the drawbacks (not looking as sexy in a bathing suit as you did twenty years ago).

Why don’t we take this time to celebrate old people. Sure, they may have quirky habits like eating dinner at 3:30pm and wearing their pants up to their shoulders. However, their limitless level of insight is severely underappreciated and their humorous perspective on life is undeservedly ignored.

The elderly shouldn’t be pressured to feel young. I personally think it’s more important for them to feel healthy and happy.

But that’s just me

Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry

What? No! If you know you fucked up, you’re obligated to apologize. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve offended your boss or your wife. Admitting your fault and seeking remorse is bare minimum requirement in the universal criteria of being a fucking decent human being!!

Go With The Flow

Yay!!!! Conformity!! If people mindlessly went ‘with the flow’, we would still be serfs, toiling under the blazing sun. We would still be living in a segregated society. Women would be nothing more than sex dolls and baby factories.

I mean, forget about innovation. Fuck human progress. Just go with the flow and keep your bloody mouth shut!

God Never Gives Us More Than We Can Bear

I’m not trying to propagate anti-religious sentiments. I understand everyone has their own reasons for their beliefs or lack thereof. However, I just can’t help but find the above quote appallingly thoughtless.

God never gives us more than we can handle? So how do you account for every person who has ever….you know… died!!?? Whether it was cancer or a physical injury or mental torture, the decreased person was burdened with more than he/s could bear.

Having your home destroyed by a tsumani is more than you can handle. Witnessing your children being blown up into pieces for stepping on a land mine is definitely more than you can handle!

These are real-life situations people are forced to endure

I mean, I know you’re trying to be comforting but please! Just stop!

Just Think How Much Worse Other People Have It

I agree that we shouldn’t be self-absorbed. After all, we should count our blessings and appreciate the luxuries we take for granted. However, that quote is rooted in the fallacy of relative privation.

If A is bad but B is worse, than we assume that A is either justifiable or not important enough to be addressed. We see examples of this fallacy embodied in those ‘firstworldproblems’ hashtags. Just because we live in one of the few parts of the globe with running water and indoor plumbing, doesn’t mean we’re not stressed with our own problems and issues.

Yes, other people lead worse lives. Doesn’t mean my life is perfect. If I have something to rant about, I’m going to vent. And I’m not going to apologize for venting!

 

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