I never cared for BuzzFeed. Its nothing more than a media outlet pandering to pseudo-intellectual millennials mindlessly skimming through clickbait articles. Lately, Buzzfeed has jumped on the SJW bandwagon, with numerous articles and videos berating White people and humanoids with y chromosomes for being pale-skinned and possessing a well-endowed dick.
One of those videos features a group of young twenty-something year old boards with no lives inquiring their male viewers on their alleged ‘privilege’, in the passive-aggressive tone girls are known for. Since I have a penis, I thought it would be suitable for me to respond to those well-thought-out questions.
1) How does it feel to be the same sex as Donald Trump?
I don’t know, bitch. How does it feel to be the same sex as Sarah Palin? Or Hillary Clinton? Or Lady Malcolm (fictional character, yes I know).
2) Why do you hate Rom-Coms?
I don’t know, why do you hate videogames? You see what I did there? People are allowed to have their own preferences. I personally don’t care for any story with a romantic element but you know, plenty of guys love rom-coms.
3) Why do you make women sit around and talk about men in movies…when y’all easily sit around and talk about boobs for hours?
I really don’t know how to respond to that question? What are you talking about? I’ve never met a guy who makes ‘women sit around and talk about men in movies’. And I’ve never had a conversation with guys about boobs ‘for hours’.
In fact, here’s how a normal conversation around boobs would transpire.
Guy1: Hey, check out the rack on that chick
Guy2: Nice! Hey, by the way, did you see the game last night?
I mean, how do you even have a hour-long conversation about boobs?…Unless, you’re referring to a medical lecture
4) Why do you assume that you wrote like TV shows or movies that star a female lead will be terrible?
Who are you addressing? I don’t know any guy who wants to return to Shakespearean-que plays, with only male actors.
5) Why are you surprised when women are funny?
Well, I’m not. I’ve met plenty of girls who had me at tears from laughter. Although, let’s be frank. Comedy is a male-dominated profession for a reason. Christopher Hitchens actually wrote a column for Vanity Fair on how men are evolutionary driven to be funny in order to attract a female mate. It’s a fascinating theory and perhaps, I’ll expand on that theory along with my own opinions on the topic through a later post
6) Why do you think we’re obsessed with you when we want to hook up?
Oh I see how it is. You want to lead a guy on so you can get your pussy wet. You’re free to do what you want. However, you’re the type of girl who deserves to be slut-shamed.
7) Why can’t I sleep with as many men as I want to without being judged?
You ever heard of the master key and keyhole analogy? Look, you’re free to live the way you want. But if you open your pussy for every guy and his stepbrother, don’t be surprised when you’re branded the town whore.
8) Why is a women considered a tease when she doesn’t sleep with you on the third date but is a slut when she sleeps with you on the first?
Well every guy is different. And it seems you’re talking about two different guys with that question.
9) In what world does no mean yes?
Well, not all guys are rapists and it irritates me when an entire gender is branded as a caste of potential sex offenders.
10) Why do you say women are too emotional to be leaders then justify cat-calling by saying men can’t control themselves?
Funny thing, I’ve heard women claim that women are incapable of being leaders. Frankly, I have no problem with female supervisors. As long as she’s competent, I can no complaints
11) Why do you think that just because you’re nice to me, I owe you my body?
Well, I agree with that question. Self-professed ‘nice guys’ are the worst. And any moron is capable of being ‘nice’. I mean, if you want a girl, you need an actual personality.
12) Why would you ever send an unsolicited dick pic?
For the same reason some girls post naked pictures of themselves. People be acting dum’
13) Why do you think its okay to harass women but get offended when someone does it to your sister, its not okay?
Agreed. But keep in mind, most guys are not like that
14) How does it feel to interrupt me when I’m making a point?
Right? Because girls are incapable of interrupting anyone….
15) Why do you have to sit with your legs wide open?
Let’s just say some of us are packing
16) Why are women perceived as the weaker sex?
Because the average man is stronger than the average woman? Why do you think guys are always relied upon for heavy lifting?
17) Why is it so bad to show your emotions
There are moment where you need to emotionally unburden yourself. However, there are times when you have to remain stoic.
18) Why are you always trying to prove your masculinity to me?
Define ‘trying to prove masculinity’
19) Why the fuck isn’t it ladylike to cuss?
Nothing wrong with spouting a swear word or two. However, there are certain situations where cursing is completely prohibited. I mean you wouldn’t swear in front of your co-workers or your grandparents, would you?
20) Why is it your first instinct to doubt women who have been sexually violated or raped?
Well, in our judicial system, the alleged perpetrator of a crime is innocent until proven guilty. Merely being accused of sexual abuse is enough to demolish a man’s reputation. Like in any criminal case, the burden of proof has to be met.
21) Why do you assume a woman’s angry because she’s on her period?
I don’t know? Why do you make baseless assumptions about men?
22) Why do you think women who wear makeup are false advertising. We can say the same thing about your dick size.
How???? That is such a pea-brained comparison? Women wear makeup every day. Guys don’t normally talk about your dick size on a regular basis. After all, everyone knows size doesn’t matter
23) Why isn’t it weird that there are a bunch of old White men sitting in a room making legislation about what I can and can’t do with my body.
Well, those old White men have been elected to office. If you don’t like it, why don’t you vote for a young, Black woman. Or maybe run for a political position instead of complaining like a nagging housewife.
24) Do you have a coochie?
Oh, that’s the new slang for vagina?
25) Why are straight guys obsessed with lesbians
I love chocolate chip cookies. I would love to have one in front of me right now. But you know what would be better? If I had two cookies! Maybe three…or four…or a million! Yum Yum Yum. I’m cookie monster!
You see my point?
26) How does it feel to get kicked in the balls?
Hmm…not so bad actually? Then again, I’m into BDSM.
27) Do you ever get tired of trying to be manly all the time?
28) Why are you so afraid of gender equality?
I’m not and neither are most males
29) Why do you I deserve to be paid less than you?
The ’70 cents to a man’s dollar’ gender pay gap is an oversimplification of the salary disparities between men and women. Since the implementation of the Equal Pay Act of 1963, it is illegal for an employer to pay female employees less than male employees. 70 cent per dollar ratio is a gross average that does not account for career fields and other variables that have nothing to do with an employer’s bias. I’ll do a post on the gender pay gap and its misconceptions on another day.
30) In what world does 70 cents equal a dollar?
31) In what world does 68 cents equal a dollar?
32) Why are you intimidated by a woman making more money than you?
Oh, believe me, a lot of guys would love being pampered and spoiled by a sugar mama
33) Why are opinionated women seen as bitches when opinionated guys are seen as bosses?
No, opinionated guys are seen as douchebags. If you have an opinion, especially a contrarian one, some people are not going to like you. Deal with it.
34) Why aren’t you speaking up when you hear male friends make jokes that are offensive to women.
Because unlike you, my friends have a sense of humour.
35) Why are you afraid of recognizing your own privilege?
I acknowledge that I have advantages which others can only dream about. I live in a first world country. In that first world country, my family and I belong to a relatively higher strata of the middle class (although we’re not upper-middle class). I belong to an ethnic group designated as the ‘modal minority’. I have access to education. And yes, I’m also male and heterosexual.
I also have disadvantages. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon. I’m at risk for thyroid cancer and diabetes. Mental illness also runs in my family. And despite my national-born citizenship, my anglicized first name (consistently ranked among the top ten most common American given names), and my inland northern accent, I’m often mistakenly for a foreign resident.
But you know what, I’m not going to bitch at people who don’t share those disadvantages. We should just work together at leveling the playing field without shaming anyone!!!