Good Old Days (That Never Were)

We long for the good old days.

When life was simple.

When People were courteous to one another.

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“Families ought to be more like the Waltons and less like the Simpsons”

When children were polite to their elders

When everyone had a book in their hands

When music was worth listening to.

When tv programs and movies were watchable.

When we didn’t have to worry about ‘Stranger Danger’

When life was perfect.

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“I wish we lived in a place moere like the America of yesteryear that only exists in the brains of us Republicans.”

Newsflash! The ‘Good Old Days’ is a myth! Like Godzilla, Hercules, G spots
and mutual sexual fantasies between heterosexual couples

Girls, let me give it to you straight: your fantasies bore us, ours offend youcouples.

The ‘good old days’ is a period in our lives before we got mugged by reality and blindsided by the bleakness and absurdity of the world.

In other words, people have always been shitty. The world has always been shitty. Life has always been shitty.

Albert Camus was right!

“How Absurd!!”

Nevertheless, humans are programmed to only remember the positive of their past. If we didn’t have this feature embedded in our brains, there would be an exponentially rise in Prozac prescriptions ( yay for Big Pharma!!!)

Therefore, nostalgia is one of the most marketable products sold to the mass public.

In my hometown, there is this family owned burger joint which has been in operation since the late 1950s. Walking through the restaurant’s doors is like walking through a time-portal.

“Tell me about it, stud”

The aesthetics, from the stools to the menu, are straight out of Grease! You’ll be looking for John Travolta!

Known as the most popular eatery in the vicinity, it’s always crowded. From the favorable reviews, you would expect their burgers to be mouth watering and orgasmic.

NOPE!!!     Honestly, I’d rather have a salad from McDonalds. Their burgers are sinfully greasy and their buns easily fall apart!

However, they’re not selling burgers. They’re selling nostalgia.

My family and I have only been living in this municipality since the late 90s, alongside families residing for a least 20 years longer. There are some residents who were born in this city long before it was even a city! The burger joint is the focal point of their recollections of their town

Team meals after a ballgame, date nights, first outings with their own children.

To them, it’s more than just place to fill your stomach.

There seems to be a case of nostalgia fever in pop culture. A couple of years ago, Girl Meets World was launched on the Disney Channel as a sequel to the

classic 1990s Boy Meets World. The tv program is mediocre at best, unable to compete with its predecessor.

I’m sure you’ve heard of Full House. I mean, it’s still being syndicated on TV. Back in the day, America fell in love with the Tanners, an unconventionally-structured family living under one roof. Its target audience consisted primarily of preteens, who were able to overlook the cheesy humor, nauseatingly moralizing themes and poorly written storylines which reflect the writers’ poor grasp of reality.

Next week, Full House is about to be rebooted as Fuller House! Its premise mirrors Full House in the most uncreative method.

Basically, DJ is now a single widow with three boys. Her younger sister,  Stephanie, an aspiring musician lives with the family (such originality!).

You know, for a meth addict, Jodie Sweeten still looks bangable

In addition, her best friend Kimmy Gibler and Kimmy’s daughter, Ramona, also receive room and board(presumably residing in the attic).

And you wondered why the Oslen twins declined to participate in this collassal joke!

But this copy-and-paste model works to the producers’ advantage. Die hard fans of Full House make up a prominent portion of their target audience. And the show will achieve considerable ratings because a significant number of Generation Xers and Millennials aspire to live in the past.

There is a saying: “a person who dwells in the past will never get ahead in life”. But nostalgia is a ubiquitous drug more addictive than opium..

….. and we all need our fix!

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